Fullmetal Horcrux
by terrapin01
Summary: When I ca't write well I write this. I call it a Weed Fic, not as intense as a Crack Fic, but it is sort of out there. I hope humor is the correct category, I'm not sure if anyone else will find any of it funny. Will have OCs
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist. Yet.

Welcome to _**FULLMETAL**_** HORCRUX!** I have been working on this for a while, on and off. Whenever I can't write a scene in one of my other two tics and get frustrated, this is what I write. Since I have no standards while writing this, it grows quickly. Basically, this should get more updates than any of my other works, so if you like my words and don't care about a carefully crafted plot, this is for you!**  
**

Chapter 1: Shopping

Edward was _not_ having a very pleasant evening. He and Mustang were playing a game of poker and after Mustang had incinerated the hidden cards up his sleeve, he was loosing badly. And the stakes...well...

"All right Fullmetal, how about this. You lose and you've got to transfigure Hawkeye's clothes into a miniskirt. WHILE I am present."

"Whaaaaaaaat?" Ed's jaw dropped. There was no way he would ever do that, sly bastard colonel probably was slipping his own cards up his sleeves to be that confident. "No way, colonel pervert, I am not doing that!" Mustang just smiled over his hand.

"Oh that's too bad then, I guess you'll be going back to school then?" sweat beaded on Ed's forehead. Roy could be bluffing, but he really didn't want to chance it. Still going back to school wouldn't let him accomplish anything. Then again he thought of what the Hawk might do to him and he shuddered.

"All I ever asked was that you let me and Al have a bit of time off! Whatever happened to Equivelent Exchange?" Mustang glared and Ed broke.

"All right dammit, you win." Ed muttered as he revealed two aces. The colonel started laughing and showed him a hand of a two and a four.

"I HATE YOU MORE THAN I HATE MILK, YOU KNOW THAT?"

* * *

Harry was awed by the wonders of Diagon Alley. Kids crowded around broomstick stores, there were strange instruments he failed to recognize and a wand store. However the best part of the wizarding world was, as soon as he brushed his hair out of his eyes someone had cried out.

"Is that Harry Potter?" Harry naturally had been startled at first, he usually got no attention. The exception to that was when he was let out of his room to serve the Dursely's at which point they paid the utmost attention to his failings. The man that approached him was rather well groomed, but didn't stand out among the other wizards and witches.

"Yes, I'm Harry Potter." He wondered what the man was so shocked about.

"My goodness it really is you! The boy who lived!" The man exclaimed shaking his hand.

"How do you know me again?" The man reeled back in shock

"You mean you don't know? Well I suppose it did happen at a rather young age, but wouldn't your parents have told you?" Just then McGonagall stepped in between the two. She turned to the man with a glare in her eyes.

"I am afraid young master Potter has materials to collect for school. If you would run along now, he must be prepared for his first year!" she berated the man. But when she turned back for Harry, he had disappeared.

The first thing that had caught Harry's attention was Gringott's Bank. He loved banks, the chained pens were his favorite part! He'd only been to a bank once. Somehow Dudley had managed to actually steal one. Harry tried to tell Petunia, but she told him to 'sod off'. Dudley subsequently smashed his face into the bottom of one of those fake potted plants and Harry argued that it wasn't really dirt, but his cousin continued.

He was disappointed to learn that this particular bank didn't actually have any pens at all. Just lots of feathers held by grumpy, wrinkly things. Hagrid had taken him here earlier, but he didn't remember much about the place except that he had mountains of gold in his vault. Harry wondered if he could buy himself a golden-chained pen. Or better yet a chained golden-pen. Or a golden-chained golden-pen that wrote in gold and came with gold paper and gold envelopes and gold stamps, which when you mailed them were taken away by a golden owl! He wondered if there was a spell for such a thing.

Naturally being the famous HP himself, although he wasn't quite sure why exactly he was famous, he remembered his vault number. He began to wander around down stairways trying to find his vault, all the while singing a little ditty worse than a cruciatous curse.

_Oh Vault 618!_

_I'm a gonna sweep you clean!_

_Gold in my hand,_

_Famous cross the land!_

_Name's HP and I'm the man!_

His _voice_ bounced through the caverns, replied by the tortured howls of beasts on the lower level. Harry continued to whistle as he approached his vault. He didn't really remember how it opened so he just shouted Open Sesame. It just so happened that the Potter Vault had just been retrofitted with Magicsoft OS, which says something about how the goblins felt about Harry's first visit. Stuffing his pockets with loot, he headed back up.

* * *

Ed was flabbergasted at the sights he was seeing. Magic? Where was the equivalent exchange? He didn't understand a bit of it, but he wouldn't have The Colonel be calling him out for the rest of his life. Still it wasn't so bad, there were a lot of things he could learn but the exchange rate between cenz and galleons was awful. Still the military did pay him well. He looked down at the top of the list. Robes. _Hmmmm..._ he puzzled. He wished Alphonse hadn't been busy with the cat orphanage to attend. Ed was absolutely awful at transmuting any clothing other than his patented red duster. Looking up and down the street a sign caught his eye, Mother Malkin's Robes for all Occasions. That sounded promising.

"Anybody home?" He called as he walked in the door. Not waiting for anyone to come to his aid he immediately pulled three robes down that were about his size and yanked a pair of gloves off of a rack.

"Excuse me, may I help you? Madam Malkin is off elsewhere right now..." As the girl approached him she looked at what he was carrying. "Hmm, those robes look like they may be a bit too large for you. How about something smaller."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN ATOMIC SHRIMP SO MICROSCOPIC THAT EVEN FLEAS CRACK ON ABOUT MY HEIGHT?" the poor lass crumpled backwards. "ARE YOU CALLING ME SO TINY THAT IT SHOULD BE PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXIST?"

"By what magick has such a commotion been created?" A young boy with far too blond hair, a dapper derby, a cool cravat and a posh pocketwatch stepped into the room. He was taken aback at the poor retail worker on the floor. "I do say my good sir, behave like a gentlemen or I shall challenge you to a duel for accosting this poor lady."

"And who are you?" Ed shouted back

"My name is Draco, son of Lucius and Narcissa. I am the heir to the House of Malfoy." The boy gave a quick bow, placing his derby across his chest. He then stood up and stared Ed right into the eyes. "I suggest you leave this place at once." It didn't help that Draco was a good deal taller than he was. He gathered up the clothes and decided to move on, muttering. He hated shopping, things always went wrong. Like that time Al had been arrested for running a brothel.

Stuffing the robes into his new ugly hat, at least he got the stuff for free. Next on his list were the magic books. So where could he find those?

"Hey you! You know where I can get the books for going to Hogwarts?" He'd grabbed a girl with bushy brown hair and stacks of books in her arms.

"Excuse me?"

"Books, y'know those things your carrying? Going to Hogwarts and I need em." Stupid girl couldn't communicate. She stammered for quite a while as Ed looked expectantly. Eventually she pointed back where he'd come from.

"Down the road at Flourish and Botts."

"Thanks. Buy yourself a hairpin or whatever it is girls do." He flipped her a sickle. Otherwise known as 29 knuts. Or 1/17 of a galleon. What raving imbecile came up with the exchange rate? All right down the street and there it was, just next to Malkin's Robes. As he entered the bookstore he took a deep breath in, until his nose registered the scent and he proceeded to hack out his lungs. What was that stench? Bookstores should smell like parchment and old books and new books, not like bat droppings. He sighed brow furrowing. Usually he would enjoy such a trip and have spent time reading all the books he could reach, but wizarding bookstores were worse than the gaming stores he took Al to. At least most of the geeks there understood not to wallow in pickled tongues and eyes of newt, even if they did occasionally forgo showering in favor of a 48-hour gaming session.

Fleeing the bookstore with all eight books in a stack under his arm he figured it would be best to transmute a cart of some sort. He slipped into a back alley and stole the metal from the piping of the building. At first he waited for the pedestrians to clear way for him, but grew tired of waiting and pushed them aside. Barreling down the street he arrived at Ollivander's Wands. He shuddered, sounded like Armstrong's sister, thankfully that was not the case.

"Hey old man! I need a wand for Hogwarts! What can you get me?"

"You should mind your elders, child. Are you sure you're old enough to be entering Hogwarts?" Old man Olly looked disdainfully upon him.

"WHO'S THE SIZE OF A 5 YEAR OLD SO MUCH THAT PEOPLE THINK THE MY AGE IS GOING DOWN INSTEAD OF UP YOU BASTARD?" Ed leaped up onto the counter, he had good legs. He snatched the coolest looking wand out from the glass cabinet. "I am taking this one and getting out of here you old coot!" He pelted the man with the price tags allotted amount and bolted.

* * *

To say Harry was having the time of his life was an understatement. So many people recognized him, or at least his scar. They all wanted to shake his hand, he was famous. And being famous was fantastic! He shook hands with every person, shocking them when he vigorously pumped their arms up and down, nearly ripping arms from sockets. He adored all the attention, he was given treats and gold and strangers gave him all sorts of advice. They all praised him about killing some He-Isn't-A-Name fellow, even though he didn't remember anything of the sort. Ah, well, they all hailed him as a hero and rightfully so!

After much praising, Harry managed to collect an entourage of other future students to carry all his new supplies. He tipped his porters generously, signing two or three of their books apiece. He was so famous they could become millionaires just by selling them. Not that they would of course, people simply could never have enough of his signature and they would be treasured like the divine inscriptions they were. Still it was not enough, but it seemed to be all he would get for now.

"How can I become a great wizard?" he asked his Grand Vizier, a boy by the name of Corey Niodus. He was Hogwarts-bound as well with brown hair slicked back and a handsome face, though not as handsome as his own. Corey wore a cloak and walked with confidence and was tall in stature, compared to Harry at least. They were both still 11.

"Well Potter-Baka, there is something that may interest you. It is known as the Philosopher's Stone, it is rumored to grant immortality and enhanced magical ability. Should you be able to locate this mythic artefact, you will doubtless become even greater than you are now." This was why Harry had picked Corey as his Grand Vizier. He was well read on the magical world Harry had been locked away from for so long. He was also wise in worldly and foreign manners, Corey informed him that "Baka" was a sundrix added to those of high status in Japan. Harry didn't know what a sundrix was, but Potter-Baka sounded too cool to pass up.

"Excellent idea Corey! Where do we start?"

"I'm afraid our best course of action is to wait. Hogwarts has one of the largest libraries on the continent, it will be our best bet to search the archives there." Corey paused for a moment raising a hand for the entourage to stop. A trio he sent out earlier returned heaving back the cauldron, telescope, vials and scales. Corey lifted an eyebrow.

"Those look like the standard model for scales. Potter-Baka requested the GottsX06."

"The GottsX06?" he whispered, he certainly didn't remember asking for such a thing.

"Special model, it will make you better at potions." Corey indeed served faithfully! Without even requesting his Grand Vizier searched for the best equipment. When he found the Philosophers Stone perhaps he should share it. Just a little, only Harry deserved to live forever, but it would be nice to have Corey last longer than normal. Speaking of which, his Grand Vizier put on quite the show, berating the offenders for grabbing the wrong equipment. He sent them packing to go back and collect the scales with a literal kick in the ass to prod them on.

Unfortunately Harry's good luck could not last forever. The old witch McGonagall noticed all the attention and headed towards his crowd. It was miraculous he'd been able to escape her notice this whole time, but such were the wonders one could work as Harry Potter.

"Potter, just what are you doing?"

"Just getting all of my supplies like you said." he retorted. The whole reason they'd gone to Diagon Ally was to get supplies. Harry was just enough of a prodigy to do it on his own.

"And what then is this retinue you have surrounded yourself with. It hardly seems necessary." Her voice was commanding and the children shook with fear, save Harry and Corey. Corey saw the intimidation as a challenge and stepped up to bat for his Lord.

"You are Minerva, am I correct?" It was intimidating, despite the fact he'd yet to undergo puberty and his voice was not able to shake the ground like an earthquake. It could be forgiven though. They were both still 11. "Head of house to Gryffindor and teacher of transfiguration."

"You are to address me as Professor McGonagall, boy. Give me your name, so that I can be sure to deduct points as soon as you are placed into Slytherin. You should be careful not to be expelled before your first day."

"And you should be careful not to treat Harry Potter with disrespect, he is the Boy-Who-Lived after all. I am Corey Niodus, aide to the Potter family." Harry could have sworn the wind picked up at that moment for the sole purpose of having his Vizier's cloak billow in the wind, its gold trim catching the sun. If there were enchanted capes that did such things, Harry wanted one. If he could get his glasses to glare ominously in the darkness that would be good too. He should look into it.

"I am his guardian at this moment in time. You are to let him come with me. If you do not I shall be sure to have you expelled from Hogwarts." Corey contemplated this for a moment, before whispering to Harry.

"If we are expelled we will be unable to research the Philosopher's Stone. I would gladly be expelled for your sake, but I feel as though I could be more help at Hogwarts." Harry needed more people like this! Everyone should be ready to sacrifice themselves for him, just as Corey was. It was what a great wizard like Harry deserved. However, now that he had his supplies there was no reason to not go.

"That's enough for now. You have served your purpose." With that, Harry collected the things that were his and departed, waving farewell to his fans. Not even McGonagall would dampen his greatness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist, but if I did HPMOR would be canon.

Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 2: On The Right Track

"This place is a mess!" Ed shouted above the chaos. There was no order anywhere, people were just running around like mad. And what in the world was up with a platform 9 3/4. What did that even mean? Wizards were ridiculous, alchemy made so much more sense. Observing the platform he saw a group of children and their parents run trolleys through a wall. "WHAAAAAAT?"

Of course, just passing through a wall wasn't surprising in and of itself, they were wizards. But they were doing it in plain sight! They all just ran through the wall in a train station FILLED WITH MUGGLES! Were people trying to get nonmagical peoples attention? It was so stupid! And the wall they passed trough wasn't even 3/4s of the way through, it was in the dead center of platform 8 and platform 9! STUPID WIZARDS!

Puffing steam out of his nose like a charging bull, Ed rushed the gate. There was a slight moment of disorientation before ending up in the train station on the other side of the wall. The future wizards were all bustling about, scrambling and struggling to get their stuff onto the train. They really lacked arm strength, Ed hauled his luggage balanced on one finger. Still he wasn't in a mood to mock the ninnies, so he loaded his stuff onto the train. Climbing aboard he settled into the first compartment he passed, he was lucky enough to get there early. He had a book on magical theory, or at least what passed for it at this Hogwarts place he was headed to. All it really talked about was to be sure to wave your wand in the right pattern and speak the words clearly there were no underlying principles like in alchemy.

"Stupid useless book." he growled, throwing it against the wall. Too bad Al wasn't here, the tin can was great for practicing his sleight of hand. Then the door opened, revealing the annoying Draco kid from before.

"I say, it is you! Would you allow me to sit in this car with you? I fear my luggage is rather heavy and I will be unable to carry it any farther." he spoke with his head held high, hand holding his hat. It was nice but Ed recognized it as against regulation.

"Hey punk, why do you get to wear a hat like that, huh? Its against the rules, you better take it off before I make you!" Ed shook the kid by the collar, Draco desperately trying to free himself. "How come you get to wear that stupid hat and I can't wear my awesome red duster? Why's that? What makes YOU so special?"

"Why I never! Such barbaric manners, you simply must learn to control yourself." Placing his hat back on his head, he spun on his heels and headed off haute-ly. Edward was glad the twerp was gone at last. He couldn't stand that snobby twit. He decided on practicing his alchemy, transmuting a glass chalice out of the window. It was incredibly ornate, and as that bastard Colonel commented 'It's a wonder how such a tactless and blunt kid can make something so detailed.' He hated how the Colonel was always talking down to him like he hadn't gone to school. Ed HAD though! He'd gone to school for two whole years! Why couldn't they harp on Al, he'd never been to school. Sure he'd learned statistics and read up on history books to make his campaigns more 'realistic' but still!

A load croak came from the window. Ed turned and saw a toad sitting where the glass used to be.

"What're you looking at, slimeball?" Narrowing his eyes at the creature, which looked back. Straight into his eyes, it delved with it's own yellow soulless orbs. Perspiring Ed tried turning away, but the beast held his gaze with some unknown force. It let out another croak...no not a croak, but the sound of the universe itself tearing and stretching. Edward fumbled backwards into the edge of the car. The monstrosity bounded forward with unnatural strength, landing at his feet. Its skin glistened the color of dead and rotting things, its eyes, THOSE EYES!

A chill went down his spine as the Eldritch Toad waddled forward. The trail of ooze it left twisted light and reality, as its abnormal tongue snaked out, catching a fly, a creature too fast for the human eye to comprehend. It drew closer and closer, until a timid round-faced boy with blond hair entered the cabin.

"Have you seen... oh Trevor! There you are!" Picking up the Eldritch Toad, he cradled it in his arms like it was a pet. "Thanks for finding him, name's Neville."

"No...No problem. I'm Ed. I'll see you later..." He stood on wobbly feet trying to usher out of the room. The Eldritch Harbinger wore a confused look on his face.

"I'll see you later?"

"Yeah sure, whatever."

* * *

Meanwhile in the adjacent cabin, Harry was sitting amidst a mountain of candy offerings. He shoveled chocolate frogs and the like down his gullet as his ever-so-loyal Grand Vizier oversaw the offerings.

"What do you mean you didn't bring Potter-Baka any offerings? Can he purchase a new wand with your affections?" Corey scoffed sending away two girls, apparently not deserving of his presence. The next visitor was a fancy looking boy, with incredibly blond hair wearing a stunning bowler hat. Harry held up a hand when Corey glanced over towards him.

"You!" Harry spoke, drawing himself to his full height "You, dressed this way! Undoubtedly you are famous, perhaps even fancy, but will you match my power? Here in this moment, I name you Rival! One such as myself should not let just any stupid-head challenge me, so I pick you!" His Grand Vizier clapped for his excellent speech.

"Why I never!" The boy began, "My name is Draco Malfoy, son of Lucius and Narcissa, heir to the House of Malfoy! Far too many times I have been accosted. As a gentleman, I shall not lose my temper, but I accept this feud. I shall defeat you and show you the error of your erroneous ways!" With that 'Draco' walked off. Harry looked over at Corey.

"So what does 'errinis' mean?"

"Erroneous. It means wrong."

"He thinks I'm wrong?!" How dare that stupid stupid-head call him wrong! He would show that blondie that he was the dumb one and that HP was the MAN, even if he was only 11.

The next visitor was a girl with curly hair and large teeth entered the cabin. She did not look altogether too amused with the shenanigans.

"Who are you and what are you doing?" Her voice carried the weight of a ton of bricks. "You can't just demand things from the other poor children on this train, you should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"Watch your tongue little miss, this is THE Harry Potter you are speaking to. Those children are merely paying their respects to the great Potter-baka." The girl stopped for a second. Harry thought she had a rather vacant expression. She stared dully before starting up again.

"Wait Potter-_Baka_? Doesn't that mean…"

"BEGONE, BE BANISHED YE BANSHEE!" Corey leaped to his feet and shoved the girl out of the cabin closing the door behind them, leaving Harry by himself. He wondered what his Grand Vizier was up to, probably trying to explain why he was so great. Corey probably left so he could eat chocolate frogs in peace, which is exactly what he did.

* * *

"...Idiot?" Hermione finished. She was incredibly confused at what was going on. At first she thought the two exploitative boys were idiots, but it appeared only one was. And that one was Harry Potter himself! A boy from the books, she couldn't believe he could be so callous and greedy!

"Pipe down, woman! Don't you want to get anywhere in life? Harry Potter is famous; doors near those such as him open with ease! Even if he is too dense t walk through them on his own accord." Hermione gaped. This gremlin was merely using Harry. Perhaps Potter wasn't even all bad and he was being poisoned by this fiend.

"You can't just use people like that!"

"See here," the boy ran a hand through his hair, looking much older "I'm Corey. I thought I needed to work my tail off to become the greatest wizard and accomplish my goals. Now, I have Harry! And he has someone who can count to ten without using their fingers. It's a symbiotic relationship. You…do know what symbiotic means, right?"

"I'm not stupid, of course I know what it means! And I'm not going to let you just use Harry; I'll protect him! I'll keep him out of your vile little schemes."

"So be it vixen, you may try. However you will find that Potter-Baka's mere presence will aid you in your endeavors. You will be using him, whether you wish to or not."

* * *

"So Harry, I've heard all about you from books. What do you think about the way wizards treat Squibs?"

"I dunno. I guess we should just leave them to do what they want an' stuff. They aren't really bothering us." Harry remarked, the girl (Her name was Hemmingway Grubby or something) looked pleased. He wondered how Corey got her to go from being mean to being nice so quickly.

"I think that's a good start, but don't you think that they're treated unfairly?" Harry had no idea what Hemhem was going on about. He'd ask Corey later.

* * *

Blasted wizards! How was he supposed to sleep? They were _repeatedly_ violating Equivalent Exchange with _really loud noises_. Now bending the laws of the universe was something Ed could let slip by, it was pretty cool that he wasn't actually limited by The EE anymore. But did those children have to be so damn loud?

After practicing alchemy, Edward moved on to reading about this "Magic". Unless wands were literally bottled chaos, he should be able to study it. The compartment was covered in books, mostly ones he'd pilfered, but a few he bought himself. With other people's money. Ed was Amestrian military, research was more important than a few children getting a perfect grade in class.

At the moment he was cross analyzing One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi with his own texts. He balked at the use of a mandrake in a potion to remedy petrifaction. A mandrake, as in the plant part of the nightshade family? He figured wizards were probably just poor at identification; there was no way that they'd survived drinking anticholinergenics as a cure. He'd need to teach them a thing or two.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I clearly own both Harry Potter and FMA and published both works under pseudonyms. Then I write Fanfiction about my own stuff. The people you think made it are paid actors.

Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 3: Hat Trick

Hogwarts loomed over a large lake, not actually all that impressive compared to the Armstrong Estate. Damn wizards couldn't even build a decent building out of nothing. Hell, Muscles could punch things into sculptures. Were they saying even without EE that they were stuck with a ratty castle? It may have gone with the theme of wizard, but it was hideous.

Ed shoveled his books into his trunk, a method of transporting objects he found strange. He felt like a pirate going off to bury some treasure. Automail lifting the load handily, he set it on his shoulder and moved quickly to get off the train. A guy that looked like a hairy Sig was herding all the first years.

"Awright then! Getchor stoff an stowit in da boats!" he boomed. Ed could see several of the smaller students rattle in the voice. Placing his items in a boat, he quickly and discreetly trimmed his trunk with glittering jewels and ostentatious ornaments so he could find it more easily. Sure he wasn't supposed to transmute gold, but those rules were for Amestris, this was Scotland. Kicking off his boat he hopped into a boat, with several pitiful looking wizardlings.

"Hello there, my name's Parvati, what's yours?" The more gregarious of the group spoke. At first glance she seemed Ishvalan, but she had dark hair and eyes. Also it was improbable an Ishvalan had found their way to using magic.

"Ed." He responded.

"Great! That's a nice name, nice to meet you! This is my sister Padma and she studies a lot! This is my friend Lavender! She's a good friend and fun to talk to!" A frown slowly grew on his face. Why were her words so inane?

"Hi." Padma said timidly, before Parvati started up again.

"Can you believe that we're all going to learn magic? It's going to be so exciting! I can't wait! Do you know what house you are going to be in…" _If I use human transmutation, I can either remove her mouth or die in the process. Really I don't think I have anything to lose…_

* * *

"Make way, make way peons, for the GREAT, for the MAGNIFICENT Harry Potter!" Hermione watched Corey with interest. He was such a charlatan, but Harry did seem to be having a good time. That poor boy, being manipulated for his fame would not likely lead to a very realistic worldview. Well then again, she had just learned about magic, so maybe reality wasn't all that realistic in the first place.

She watched as the first years pressed towards Harry's boat. The 'Grand Vizier' motioned for her to get in the boat with Harry, as he kept the children away. All of this attention would absolutely suffocate her! Hermione felt pity for poor Harry. There was a splash, as Corey bodily ejected a fan into the lake. So maybe Harry wouldn't be totally suffocated.

"So what's next then, Grand Vizier?"

"Well according to Hogwarts tradition, we will go to the main hall and be sorted into our houses."

"Hmm, what's the best house? I need to be in the best house, so that everyone knows that I am the best."

"Unfortunately, Potter-Baka, students do not get to choose their own house. It will be assigned to us by a magic hat."

"A magic hat? That hat belonged to Godric Gryffindor, one of the greatest wizards of all time!" Hermione couldn't believe the irreverence to the sorting hat it was…

"So it's super magical? Okay, I want it then." Harry blithely stated. Hermione just gaped. Corey grinned at her as if he had somehow demonstrated something, when all he had done was make her dislike him even more. Poor Harry.

* * *

Energy crackled in the air. For a thousand years and then some, Pharan'non'igur had time to become content with judging the futures of children in the magical institution known as Hogwarts. Not that anybody knew that was its name. After all, who would bother asking him its name? It was a hat now.

Still its senses from aeons ago let it pick up the feel of other magics. It could feel the presence of Alchemy, Spiritual Pressure and others in addition to the regular magic normally to be found at Hogwarts. It would surely be an interesting year, so it began the Sorting.

* * *

The hands that placed it upon their head did so unceremoniously.

_Ah, Edward Elric. So you are the one here who uses alchemy._

_Holy crap! You talk! I thought it, or well you, were just a randomly assigning students to houses! You can think! _It was slightly amused that the boy was so surprised. Rather cynical, Hufflepuff was most definitely not the place for him. Of course Edward's next statement was even more surprising. _How are you bound to this hat? _Why_ are you bound to the hat? Shit, I hope I'm not scratching your seal._

_Calm down. Alchemy uses a different manner to bind souls than magic. _This Elric was young, yet he had been through much.

_So is there any way to get you out of there? I'm sure I could whip something up… _It was unsure how to respond. This was perhaps the one individual who could pull off releasing the binding without catastrophic damage. This was perhaps the one chance it had to be released. This would perhaps be the one way to fulfill his oath to Godric.

_My brother used to be bound to a suit of armor, but it began to deteriorate. You probably want to get out of there quickly. Then again, you've lasted a thousand years or so according to the books. There's got to be something protecting your seal._

_The Aevum Binding. Rodan._ That would be enough. The boy was smart.

_Wait, what?_

"RAVENCLAW!"

* * *

The hands that placed it upon their head did so reverently.

_Hmm, Hermione Granger…I am thinking Ravenclaw for you._

_So long as Harry is there. I need to save him from Corey's influence! _

_Then again _that_ statement sounds like a Gryffindor. Or even Hufflepuff. Still I cannot say where Harry Potter will go before judging him. _The girl was thinking frantically. It seemed as though she was very distractedby the deal with Potter and Niodus, though its perception of it was quite colored through her own thoughts. Truthfully, Ravenclaw would likely be better for her health but Godric wanted the students to be able to have some influence over their lives.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

* * *

The hands that placed it upon their head did so elegantly.

_Good evening, Sir Malfoy._

_Good evening, Sorting Hat._

_I must say, you are every bit the gentleman your father was._

_I do strive to be. Now I do not believe my sorting will be all to difficult on your part._

_Of course not. You belong to the regal house of…._

"SLYTHERIN!"

* * *

The hands that placed it upon their head did so deftly, like a stage magician.

_Oh my. _It felt a mental grin from its wearer.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

"YOU!" Corey exclaimed, going pale and blustering like an old man. That should set his plans back.

* * *

The hands that placed it upon their head did so greedily.

_So, it is Harry Potter's turn now is it?_

_Yeah, that's me! The famous HP! Are you powerful? Do I get to keep you? _It was a good thing that it had sorted Hermione into Gryffindor, it could at least make a case for that Potter belonged in Gryffindor. Hopefully the girl could steer him right and Niodus would keep his distance. Hahaha.

Elric had better get it out of this blasted hat, pronto.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

* * *

At the Gryffindor table there was a great deal of cheering as Harry Potter approached. He bowed to either side, as though he had just finished some grand performance.

"Thank you! Thank you, Grippingdoor!" Shooing people, he herded them away from the spot where he was going to sit. Hermione joined at his side.

"You know Harry maybe you should, umm, do something to be, uh, more famous?" Maybe by getting him to do something to do something actually praiseworthy he would learn and develop as a person. Or at least people would have a reason to praise him. It was going to take a while to cure potter of his fame.

* * *

At the Ravenclaw table, there was some cheering from some of the more enthusiastic students. For the most part, many were not paying attention and reading. At least these wizards looked somewhat tolerable to Ed. He strode across to the oldest looking students with their heads in books and made a hole for himself.

"So what do you guys know about the Aevum Binding?"

"Who are you, kid?"

"WHO'S SO SMALL THAT PEOPLE THINK THE REASON I DON'T READ A NEWSPAPER IS BECAUSE IT'S BIGGER THAN ME AND WHEN I HOLD IT I SHRINK COMPARED TO ITS SIZE?" Ed grabbed the larger student by the robes. "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION."

"Okay, calm down. But I've never heard of anything called The Aevum Binding. Sounds rather obscure, you'll probably need to do some reading. Then again you're Ravenclaw, so I doubt that will bother you." He stuck out a hand, and Ed moved an arm from neck to shake.

"Yeah, whatever."

* * *

At the Slytherin table there was polite clapping. Wine glasses were raised to Malfoy in toast before they sat down to eat. Crabbe sat down next to him with a clipboard and pen.

"Sir Malfoy, your first day of classes is like to take up more time than regularly allotted for the rest of the year. Along with moving your belongings into the rooms, there won't be much time for your scheduled appointment with Snape as Sir Malfoy the senior desires."

"Please Crabbe, call me Mr. Draco. It would not do to be accidentally confused with my father."

* * *

At the Hufflepuff table there was silence. It was well known that they existed to fill out numbers and take extras. Being dumped with someone with a real live personality was something brand new to them.

"Welcome to Hogwarts?" A boy named Justin ventured.

"This is madness."

"Welcome to Hogwarts."


	4. Chapter 4

Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 4: Day 1, Harry and Whats-Her-Face

**Disclaimer:** Do I own or do I not own the franchises of Harry Potter and FMA? That is the question(That no one has ever asked).

Harry and Hermione happily hopped along to their classes. Harry, because walking was for peasants, and Hermione since she got to be in the same house as Harry. Transfiguration with McGonagall was their first class together as Gryffindors.

"Hello everybody! I am here, we can start now!" Harry entered with a flourish. The children's eyes widened and their mouths fell into little o's. All of them from awe, but some were in awe of how stupid, inane and irritating he could be.

"Mr. Potter, learn to calm yourself. The transfiguration classroom is no place for your tomfoolery." The old witch walked up front and began speaking. Harry's eyes glazed over with such intensity that they reminded the hungrier students of the breakfast they missed, while Hermione hung on every word as though her life depended on it.

"Did you hear that Harry? We'll be able to transform objects!"

"Yes, yes. Such things are trippy-al to a wizard like me."

"Is that so Mr. Potter?" The old witch loomed over him "Do you reckon that you are able to transfigure a chair into a table?"

Harry glanced nervously across the classroom before hearing a fellow student snicker. At this he puffed out his chest, he would show them his true arching might! Drawing his wand from his robes with a flourish, Minerva snatched the wand from his hand.

"Mr. Potter! The correct answer in transfiguration is not to answer. Twenty points from Gryffindor and detention with me for the next week."

"Not our house points!" Some kid fell to his knees and grasped at the sky. "Nooooooooo!"

"Mr. Sturton, calm yourself. And Mr. Potter, you will have your wand confiscated for the rest of my class. I won't be having you harm anyone with your wild shenanigans." The boring old bat resumed her boring old lecture about boring old safety and the boring old rules of transfiguration. He glared at his transfiguration book in anger. So intent were his glares that the class quickly passed for him and McGonagall thought he was studying to rectify his mistakes. As if.

His next class was potions with Professor Snapple. Harry was getting quite thirsty at the moment and didn't know how to summon himself water. He tried "Soomon Watar" but that didn't work, so there probably wasn't a spell for it. After all if the Great HP couldn't do it, who could? HerMinny talked to him about their transfiguration class with McBoringPants and how he could summon an ocean to him in a couple years if he worked.

"Stuuuupid, you can't drink an ocean!" And Harry forbid, working? Inconceivable! "'sides, I'm sure there'll be a potion I can drink."

Inside the room deep under Hogwarts awaited Snape, with a hooked nose and piercing eyes, he watched the new students enter.

"Welcome class to potions." His voice was terse as he spoke through clenched teeth. "In this class you will be dealing with the elegant art of potion-making. Frivolous wand-waving will do you no good and I expect you to be EXACT and PRECISE and DO WHAT I TELL YOU TO." Snape stopped to breath a moment before doing roll call.

"Ah yes, Mr. Potter. Our new…celebrity." He coughed into his hand "excuse me, I apologize. At least there's no way you'll be as bad as…"

"A CELEBRITY? I AM THE GREAT, THE AWESOME, THE COOLIO HARRY POTTER-BAKA! GET IT RIGHT SNAPPLES!" The room froze.

"Ten points from Gryffindor for disorderly conduct, Mr. Potter."

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY SNAPPLES?"

"TWENTY points from Gryffindor for disorderly conduct, Mr. POTTER."

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?"

"FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, POTTER!."

"OH YEAH, WELL FIFTY POINTS FROM THE TEACHERS!"

"SIXTY POINTS!"

"SEVENTY POINTS!"

"ONE HUUUUNNNDDREEEEDD POINTS MISTER POTTER!" With that Snape cast a silencing charm on the unruly student, who continued to gesticulate wildly. Joshua Sturton was on the floor in the fetal position, weeping.

"Not our house points, no! We'll never win now! Curse that Potter, cuuuuurrrrssseeee hiiiiiiiim!"

"And another ten for overreacting." Snape announced coolly, glaring down. Today was absurd. The only thing he found less believable than this was the fact that 250 points wasn't even the most he'd taken away today.

"Harry, perhaps you better calm down, you made quite a scene back there." Harry, of course, didn't need the advice of Herninny. Potions CLEARLY weren't important if they assigned someone named Snapple to teach. Luckily they were going to a new class now with Professor Sprout. Strangely she was teaching something called 'Erbology', her name made it seem like she'd be teaching about plants and Herbs.

"Oh good evening little ones! My name is Professor Sprout and I will be teaching you all about plants this year. I am also head of the Hufflepuff house."

"What's a Hufflepuff?" asked one of Harry's enemies. Harry knocked on the table with a stick. He'd been cursed by that boy after all. Still it was a good question.

"What a good question! Ten points to Gryffindor! But we wouldn't want the others to feel left out would we? Ten points to Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin as well. Hufflepuff is the house of the loyal, the friendly, the…"

"Miony, is there a way we can skip through this?" he asked. Just because the Great Harry Potter didn't know, didn't mean someone couldn't serve him and save him from the torment.

"Shhh, pay attention!" The rude girl shushed him! He was doing her a favor by interrupting Green Bean!

"…the epitome of friendship and loyalty that are my dearest Hufflepuffs! Oh it makes me so happy. Point to Gryffindor, point to Hufflepuff, point to Ravenclaw, point to Gryffindor, Point to Slytherin!" With each house name she called she flicked her wand and sent sparks of that color flying.

"What about plants? Aren't we gonna learn about 'Erbology?" Harry demanded. He wanted to see some foliage, dammit!

"Oh yes yes, quite right. Thank you Mr. Potter, ten points to Gryffindor." From beneath her she brought out a fern with a pinecone in it. Harry would have classified it as miniature Encephalartos Sclavoi if not for the eyeball on top of the pinecone and the way it twisted its ferns. Green Bean reached out her hand and gave it a handshake, leaving the skin that contacted it a startling green color.

"This is one of my favorites! His name is Bernard, I got him many years ago. This kind of plant is Tanzanian Watcher, I invite you all to come here to pet Bernard."

Harry stayed right in his seat. Cycads were known to make you nuts; he wasn't touchin' the thing. Herminne nudged him up.

"Come _on_ Harry. You've got to get up, Professor Sprout has her eyes on you."

"No way, nu-uh, never in a billion years. That thing'll make you crazy!" Ermione huffed off over to stand in line to the plant. Green Bean eyed him. He was the only one smart enough not to fall into the tricky trap. Luckily he, the great Harry Potter, could tell that the plant was just acting friendly, it was just a…a…a rouge!

"Harry, what are you doing over there? Why don't you come say hello to Bernard?" Her face was stuck in a fake smile. It was really creeping him out.

"Nope." He said flatly. Green Bean narrowed her eyes, but forgot to get rid of her smile. Creepy.

"Now, now. I'm sure you two will get along just fine." Harry just shook his head as hard as he was able.

"If you don't I might have to," Green Bean began to tear up "take away _house points._"

"I'll take points away from YOU if you make me."

"One…one point from Gryffindor." She stammered before automatically amending it. "And Slytherin and Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff."

"Well five points from the teachers." Harry folded his arms. The Stilton kid who cursed him began to pale.

"F-f-five points from Gryffindor!"

"Fifty points from the teachers."

"Fifty points from Gryffindor." Green Bean then fainted. His enemy began convulsing and cursing at him. Harry just put his hands on his hips with a triumphant smile. He was H.P., nobody could make him do anything. Except maybe McGonagall.


	5. Chapter 5

Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 5: Day 1, EE and the principles of EE

**Disclaimer:**My kickstarter to raise enough money to purchase both franchises has yet to occur, but when it does I'm sure you'll pitch in.

The young alchemist began his day with a yawn, shuffling towards the greenhouse. Bloody wizards and their plants. He couldn't believe it wasn't classed as an extracurricular. Only potion masters cared about plants, and while that line of inquiry into magic intrigued him, it still seemed inefficient to teach it to all students.

Professor Sprout had a big wide smile on her face, and even though she wasn't quite portly, it reminded him of Gluttony just a _little_ too much. Plants were doing little dances in their pots as curious Ravenclaws looked onward. Could those things really be called plants?

"Good morning children!" The professor chirped. Ed covered his eyes, her voice was like the sun shining right in his eyes, giving them diabetes, with more sugar than Al's gaming night snacks. "Oh, it's such a wonderful day! Five points to allll the houses!" Alright, this _teacher_ was ridiculous. How was a system that awarded scholarly achievement sustainable with such a teacher meaninglessly inflating the values? Teachers would have to be giving or taking away points by the hundreds to diminish Professor Sprout's effect. Not that he particularly cared, it just wasn't correct.

"Since Bernard isn't awake yet, today we'll be learning to put makeup on Two-Lips." With one glance at what appeared to be fleshy strips instead of a flower, Ed hit his head on the desk. This was going to be a long year.

Ed consulted his timetable that he constructed. It appeared his second class of the day would be potions. Potions seemed like it would be easy enough, he'd read through all the textbooks and then some. Being just a matter of using the right amounts, it would be notoriously easy for an alchemist such as himself.

The older Ravenclaw he met warned him of the teacher, but the elder Elric saw no reason to worry. Any competent teacher would be fine by him. Unless this 'Professor Snape' looked over sabotage and mistakes in his own house, unfairly awarded points and asked questions he couldn't possibly know the answer to, he would have no trouble.

Walking through the poorly illuminated corridors, Ed observed the other students that were also on their way to the class. Some moved slowly, some trembled and a few were crying. Ed shrugged it off. Wizards were a queer folk and it seemed better to totally ignore the younger ones. He doubted they grew up normally and acted strange as a result.

Entering the potions class, the room smelled dank. The faint smell of potions didn't seem too strong, but it was only the first day. Perhaps the odor would experience resurgence after several days of potion brewing. Seating himself in the front most row, he hoped to get a good view of the Professor brewing. Perhaps he'd get a good view and pick up some tips. Placing his empty parchment (much thicker, tougher to write on, and generally subpar to paper in all respects) on the table he prepared to take notes. He left his books in his bag; most of the content he remembered and Ed wanted to give himself more space.

The professor silently appeared from the shelves of ingredients like some sort of vampire. Ed immediately began to wonder if there were such things as vampires and if one would be allowed to teach at Hogwarts.

"Good morning. This is the exact art of potion making. Put your wands away, such flippant things have no place here. This place is for those with a talent for potions and not," he stopped and glared at Ed "for brown nosers."

Ed quickly looked behind him. Apparently there were more seats than necessary and most students relegated themselves to the opposite corner of the room. They returned his gaze with a look of fear and trepidation. He was the only student in the first three rows of the class. Crap. Playing it cool, he didn't respond and waited for Snape to continue.

The Potions Professor took roll, with Ed's fellow Ravenclaws answering nervously. The whole time Snape fixed his gaze on the young alchemist.

"Edward Elric."

"That would be me, professor."

"Tell me, why are you the _only_ Ravenclaw to sit in the front row."

"I figured I could get a better view of how you did things from here, sir." He'd only barely kept the sarcasm out of his voice on that sir. Talking to Colonel Bastard in formal settings had its uses, he supposed.

"And it seems you do not have your books out either. Tell me Mr. Elric, are you already so acquainted with the books you feel as though you don't need them?"

"Mostly, yeah." The conversation was going to end in conflict, no use dodging it any more. Might as well get it over with.

"Well then, what do you get if you add powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?"

"Draught of Living Death."

"What is a bezoar and what are its uses?"  
"In potions it refers to the gastrolith of a goat and can cure most poisons. More generally it is any indigestible object found in the intestines."

"Difference between monkshood and wolfsbane?"

"Colloquial names for the genus Aconitum." Ed let out a sigh of relief. "Phew, I thought you were going to ask me some unanswerable questions or something. Glad you were just making sure I knew the basics. I'm sure we'll get along." Of course only at this moment did he notice the daggers Snape sent his way.

"Ten points from Ravenclaw for hubris."

"What? That's absurd!"

"Ten points from Ravenclaw for _backchat._"

"Dammit, I'm _trying_ to accommodate you man!"

"Twenty points from Ravenclaw, for being a _petulant child._"

"WHOSE SO SMALL HE COULDN'T BREW A POTION WITHOUT HELP FROM A GIANT?"

"Fifty points from Ravenclaw for thinking a giant would _stoop _to help you."

"A hundred points from the staff, for abuse of power!"

"A hundred points from Ravenclaw for absurdity."

"Two hundred points from the staff, for allowing this travesty against learning to take place!"

"FIVE HUNDRED POINTS FROM RAVENCLAW FOR DISRESPECTING A TEACHER!"

"YOU CAN CHOKE ON A BEZOAR, YOU TWIT." Ed stormed out of the room, he could learn potions on his own, no need to deal with that man any longer than he had to.

Back in the classroom, the remaining Ravenclaws were cowering in fear. Snape looked at them and jumped at them, causing them to faint.

"And ten points from Ravenclaw for being such utter pansies."

Damn that black-haired bastard! Ed had questions about potions he wanted answered! It would be easy enough to learn the actual potion-making portion of the class, but he wanted underlying principles dammit! For instance, the way potions could alter metabolism; were they bottled hormones that managed to enter the bloodstream? What caused them to change the form of the imbiber?

At this point it seemed moot, he wasn't going to be getting anything from that bastard. Next up on his schedule was transfiguration. He remembered McGonagall taught the class, an elderly woman who hopefully knew how to teach. He looked forward to transfiguration, the word sounded similar to transmutation, the disciplines were likely similar.

"Good afternoon class, welcome to transfiguration. Can anyone define transfiguration?"

"Magic focused on changing the form of an object." Ed spoke out immediately.

"Correct Mr. Elric, but do remember to _raise your hand_ before answering." Oh whatever. Ed thought he'd gotten away from inane rules when he left Amestris.

"Excuse me professor, but does transfiguration have anything to do with alchemy?"  
"No. Alchemy is more closely related to potions," god_dammit!_ "and is not something you will learn at this school. While I appreciate your interest, please _attempt_ to follow protocol."

"Now, your first assignment will be to transfigure these matchsticks to silver." Turning matchsticks into to silver? That shouldn't be possible. He remembered to raise his hand this time.

"Are we turning it into the element or the color?"

"The color, Mr. Elric. The other would be far beyond your capabilities." Suuure it was. Like she knew how to evaluate him. Ed was starting to get rather miffed, but he did as he was told. Waving his wand about he transformed the matchstick as requested, only to note that the other Ravenclaws seemed incapable.

"Well done Mr. Elric. Now the rest of you try again!" Ed sighed and sat down. Yes, unless something like an evil wizard showed up, it was going to be a long year.


	6. Chapter 6

Fullmetal Horcrux Chapter 6: Day 1, Good morning Mr. Draco

* * *

**Disclaimer: **Not every disclaimer will be witty. Blah, blah, don't blah Harry blah and Blahmetal Alcheblah.

The morning was quite refreshing to the young Malfoy. The cool air of the dungeons may have seemed 'dank' to the less cultured houses, but all in Slytherin knew the cold aided the younger members in waking early. Walking into the common room Goyle awaited him alone, holding his compatriot's clipboard.  
"Oh, Mr. Draco! Excuse me, you have risen earlier than we expected. Crabbe has been truly tuckered out after arranging your first day and is still in his chambers. I will rouse him immediately."  
"There is no need." Draco smiled softly, "It is good to know he serves so dutifully. Let us ask the dining staff to bring breakfast to him, so long as he is not late to class, I do not mind."  
"Yes sir."

With one of his retinue, he exited into the hallway. As he walked, he passed Zabini who slowed his pace to walk with Draco.  
"Good morning, Mr. Draco."  
"Good morning, Mr. Zabini, how are your parents?"  
"They are doing quite well, thank you. Well, we part here. I am meeting with Ms. Davis prior to our meal."  
"Have a good day then."  
"You as well." The Slytherins stopped walking, turned to each other and bowed slightly.

The next event on his journey to the Great Hall was the discovery of a large mess of papers and books in a thin corridor. How odd and unkempt. Draco took pause and gave a nod of affirmation to Goyle. The two got to their knees and neatly organized and stacked the belongings. Placing them neatly on a nearby table, Draco suspected they somehow had been knocked off. Not a usual place for storing notes, but perhaps someone would return soon for them. Leaving the hall nicer than they found it, they departed from the scene.

Entering the Great Hall and seating themselves at their table, a call went up.  
"Good morning, Mr. Draco." Many said in unison, obviously excluding those who currently had a mouth full of food. As Draco began sipping the tea provided, those around him continued in their idle discussion.  
"Have you heard about the chap Harry Potter? Seems he is attending Hogwarts this year, and in Gryffindor as well."  
"Harry Potter? He is the one who vanquished the Dark Lord, or so I recall. I can not believe he would be placed in that house of ruffians."  
"It is not a hard thing to believe, having met him." Draco mused "On the Hogwarts Express he insulted me and we have begun a feud." There were scandalous gasps throughout the Slytherins.  
"Truly?" Theodore Nott asked "I hardly think your father would agree with such a decision on your part. The Potters are a most Noble House."  
"The Honor of House Malfoy is not to be impugned, even by the scion of another Noble House."

After finishing breakfast, Draco and Goyle dismissed themselves. There was still time before their first class and took the time to peruse the castle grounds. During this time Crabbe met up with them asking for Draco's forgiveness, which was quickly given. The Slytherins walked around the grounds, helping lost students find their way, explaining the point system to first years, describing Quidditch awkwardly to some half-bloods who were curious, rescuing kneazles from trees, helping old ladies cross streets and helping children lost in malls find their mothers.

"Good morning class." Their head of house called to them as they sat down. "As I am sure your families have informed you, potions is an exact and precise art. While you are expected to maintain decorum in your other classes, you are _not_ to value your appearance over your studies. Doing so could result in catastrophe. When you are older and presentation becomes more important, I would suggest hiring a potions master or working in a private workspace." Eyebrows were raised to this proclamation. One's impression in Slytherin was of the utmost importance. Some of the muggleborns in the class nodded along at their head of house. Draco supposed this was due to the fact that they didn't have so many eyes on them during their childhood. He doubted they'd even ousted one paparazzi in their life.

They started going over the tools they would be utilizing in potions class. Draco would have rolled his eyes if he were less cultured, everyone had tutors to teach them such simple things. What would be the point of going to Hogwarts if you were only going to learn things you were already taught? That's why you had to be sure to arrange for tutors beforehand. What sort of proletariats didn't have tutors to teach them before attending Hogwarts anyway? The other houses were uncivilized, to be sure, but they wouldn't be so barbaric as to skimp on the lessons beforehand.

After the tedious review, they finally got around to gathering the ingredients for the first potion they were to make. Checking his pocket watch, Draco noted that almost half of an hour had passed. How idle they were, and the Professor was only just handing out the recipe for the potion! Strangely enough, it was unlabeled and the ingredients didn't remind Draco of any of the potions he'd brewed at home. The scion of the House of Malfoy set to work despite this, finely mincing his plump helmets.

"Eugh." One of the more uncouth Slytherins gagged as a semi-solid yellow mass clung to their fingers. Draco raised an eye, but wasn't about to make a scene. What was that anyway? Scanning the list he matched ingredients to what he could recognize, plump helmets, artichoke hearts, ... cat tallow. Draco retched. Well that's embarrassing.

"Mr. Draco, would you like to excuse yourself?"

"I would indeed sir. Permission to go to the washroom, sir?"

"Granted." As Draco left with his attendants, Snape sighed.

"Now I'm not even in the mood for soup anymore."


End file.
